It's not you, it's the algorithm.
Emotional whiplash, lack of trust, a white man in a gold chain telling you things will be different this time...sound familiar?
Last year, I became acutely aware of how much of an energy-suck social media is. I felt like I was always on a platform - Instagram, TikTok, or Snapchat - sometimes for a second, sometimes for an hour. I felt out of control. Do you ever close Instagram and then subconsciously open it a minute later? That was me constantly.
When I was on these platforms, I felt anxious. When I wasn’t sharing or commenting, I felt guilty. It was an endless cycle of frustration and fatigue. I didn’t feel connected to my friends or the world; I was mindlessly trapped in whatever content the feed highlighted that day.
A couple of weeks ago, Mark Zuckerberg announced changes to Meta’s social media platforms - Facebook, Instagram, and Threads- that impact fact-checking, hate speech, and political content. Yet, there was no mention of changing their skewed algorithms, which currently fail to deliver more well-rounded content to users.
Last week, TikTok faced its drama in the U.S. with a brief but chaotic ban-or-not-ban debacle.
It’s absurd that global platforms, used by over half the world’s population, are managed so haphazardly.
These platforms operate on recommendation algorithms that are designed to keep you on the app as long as possible without any regard for the range of content or truthfulness. By removing any guardrails on fact-checking or harmful content, Zuckerberg is saying, “We’ll feed you content that we think you’ll click on, without any concern for its accuracy, its harm, or the broader consequences.”
The TikTok controversy and Meta’s rollback of policies highlight a deeper issue: neither the CEOs nor governments seem equipped—or willing—to manage these platforms ethically for the benefit of all.
The burden of trust now falls onto us.
Imagine going to a doctor who recommends treatments without verifying if they’re effective, safe, or even real. They just hand you a list and say, “You figure out what’s best for you!” You’d never trust them.
So why should we trust these platforms under these conditions?
Algorithms that recommend harmful or false information are not neutral tools, they are broken systems. If TikTok and Meta do not want the responsibility of fact-checking or monitoring content, their algorithms shouldn’t be recommendation algorithms. Instead, they can be a chronological, popularity-driven, or search-based algorithm, giving users control over the content they see, rather than passively consuming harmful suggestions.
We need a different relationship with social media.
If we are truly burdened with figuring out how to trust these apps, let’s reconsider how much of that burden we want to carry. Is being on these apps for “free” really worth the time spent deciphering truth from lies, feeling anxious, doom scrolling, and witnessing hate?
What is your relationship with social media going to be?
I want social media to be a space I visit briefly to relax and connect with the world. It’s not my one-stop shop for connection, community, or knowledge. I want to watch a few stand-up bits, share some memes with my friends, and get a glimpse of what’s happening in the world. I’d like a healthy relationship with social media, one where I control my time and know when to log off.
What are your boundaries with social media?
Since social media fuels my anxiety, I’ve set clear limits. I deleted all social media apps except Facebook and Instagram. I kept Facebook solely for Facebook Marketplace, while Instagram remains my only true social app. I’ve also placed an hour-long time limit on both apps using my phone’s settings, which locks me out once I’ve reached the limit.
I’m also paying attention to my emotions while I’m on these platforms. If I come across posts that trigger anxiety, anger, or mind-numbing exhaustion, I close the app and do something soothing - like play with my dog, text a friend, or do a chore. This practice has shown me how emotionally volatile the algorithmic feed is. One second I’m laughing at a reel; the next, I’m pissed at a post. It’s emotional whiplash! We don’t experience that kind of volatility in real life; if we did, we’d worry something was wrong. So why are we allowing a couple of companies to have that kind of power over us?
How are you going to behave on the apps?
I used to reshare a lot on Instagram. I shared anything I had a strong reaction to, which meant I shared posts that would make me angry and I thought others needed to feel angry about too. However, as I’ve been rethinking my relationship with social media and the amount of emotional volatility it begets, I want to behave kinder on the apps. There’s enough distress in the world and I do not need to add to it. Now, I focus on sharing knowledge, kindness, and joy with the world; these are my metrics to share, post, and comment on social media.
What do you enjoy or get from social media that you can get elsewhere?
I genuinely enjoy the community, connection, and knowledge I get from social media. Through Instagram, I found an OutdoorAsian group in my state, connected with diverse Indian-American diaspora accounts, and learned about trans rights from advocates that I probably wouldn’t have encountered otherwise. These are all beautiful benefits from a global platform that connects diverse experiences. But they no longer outweigh the emotional toll of their algorithmic feeds. That’s why I’m finding ways to cultivate these experiences outside social media—building offline communities, calling friends, and using news sources or podcasts to learn. This shift helps me feel less dependent on social media and more grounded in meaningful, nuanced connections.
Social Media is a tool that we get to leverage however we see fit. There are influencers out there making bank on social media and that is incredible that they figured out how to use the tool for their best life. But that’s not my path, and that’s okay. I want social media to be a place where I can connect with the world briefly, not for it to be my primary source of truth and connection. You get to decide how to make social media work for you.
How will you use it?